The Road to Rowany - by Lady Lucia Littlefaire
Although the Festival at Glenworth Valley was certainly closer to those of you residing in St Florian, it still remained a long and arduous journey. During my most recent passage to Rowany Festival I devised a road trip survival list as I sat wedged amongst the Moralez Beaumont encampment equipment. Thus I present for your edification: Lucia's Tips for Surviving the Festival Drive.
- Aim to go to bed at a reasonable hour the night before your journey. As you are lying awake in bed at 9.30pm willing your body to go to sleep (which it stubbornly refuses to do because it has not been to bed before 11pm in the last decade) remember that you still have critical sewing to complete. Leap out of bed in a dither and hastily hand-sew that wool waist together that you are absolutely certain you will require because you cannot augur that it is going to be a really warm Festival and everyone will observe how hot and humid it is all weekend leaving you feeling like a fool for staying up and madly sewing.
- Wake punctually at 3.30am and banish those overwhelming urges that are questioning whether Festival is really worth it as they simultaneously encourage you to return promptly to bed which would be the more appealing option.
- Devote preparation time to convincing others that you are a really unsafe driver and that their lives would not be safe with you at the wheel. When this is achieved you are relegated to the back seat where you can nestle down amongst the Festival packing with a pillow.
- Wear your comfortable jeans that let your tummy sit over the top of the fly so that the stomach is not constricted and has room to expand while you feast on all manner of sugary and salty delicacies.
- Ignore Gabriel's awful taste in music. Remind yourself that he's the driver and so he retains the right to choose the music. Unclench your teeth.
- Sleep for 10 hours waking only at rest stops where you rouse yourself to make an obligatory offer to do a shift of driving while safe in the knowledge that no-one is ever likely to accept.
- If at any time you find that there you are unable to sleep and would like something else to pass the time and distract your mind from the nausea of travel sickness, ask evocative questions as conversation starters. For example, "was King Henry VIII a good king?" or "Was slavery really the catalyst for the American Civil War?" These are just ideas; you may tailor and adapt them to suit your own curiosity.
- Arrive at site refreshed and ready to put up tents but do not appear too exuberant, this only gets your fellow travellers offside.
As for the return trip home, pack all your belongings in someone else's car and then catch a 2 and a half hour flight back to your home in the beautiful Whitsundays.